Ahem. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I would like to take this oppor­tu­nity to say a few words.

***

Oppor­tu­nity knocked on my door the other day. I opened the door, not because I wanted to welcome her in, but because I was curious to see what she looked like.

***

Oppor­tu­nity knocked on my door the other day. I lured her in, knocked her out with a baseball bat and confined her in my dungeons. Serves her right for walking into a stranger’s apart­ment like that.

***

Oppor­tu­nity knocked on my door the other day. I was pretty excited and welcomed her in, but all she wanted was a glass of water. Bummer.

***

Oppor­tu­nity knocked on my door the other day. I told her I’d had enough of person­i­fi­ca­tions and slammed Mr. Door in her face.

***

Oppor­tu­nity knocked on my door the other day. Yeah, right.