I  confess I am a fan of old Hindi music, the good ones at least. Even those in the audience who are indifferent to such music will find much to appreciate in the wonderful melodies that they present to us. Certainly, the fact that they have remained popular to this day is indicative of their quality.

The music is not all though; there is much that we can learn by watching the actors and actresses play out their parts in their signature styles, and understanding the dynamics of old-style courtship.

The video above is a classic case-study in romance. Notice the remote serenade - maintaining a comfortable distance is the first step towards securing your loved one. The theory behind this is that close proximity exposes your loved one to your human imperfections…that are best hidden at the start of a relationship. Do you see how the actors are never close enough to be seen together?

The next useful technique is that effortless transmission of sound across the forest that the actor achieves, even when he’s barely moving his lips. This is a classic ninja technique, improved over the ages. The key to this technique is the (apparently) casual manner in which he strokes his guitar and the (apparently) out-of-sync foot movements. With practice, you can generate the right frequencies of vibrations to carry the slightest whisper across the forests and plains, across the oceans if need be.

Finally, notice the effect that the serenade has on the lady, and her orgasmic convulsions. This technique was invented by our ancestors who travelled distant places with no good means of communication, and were forced to come up with something to keep their wives happy remotely. Unfortunately, with the passage of time and the development of modern means of communication and transport, this technique has become an extinct, forgotten art.

What do you think of when I say, “The Wall”? (Facebook users, anyone?)

This is more of trip down memory-lane. The apartment that I called home for the greater part of the nineties was on the coast of the Arabian Sea in Bombay. Maybe it was the proximity to the sea, or maybe it was just shoddy construction - one of the bedroom walls used to be in terrible shape. On its best day, it had plaster peeling off (sometimes falling off in chunks). On bad days, it was home to forests of fungus. Trust me, it wasn’t pretty.

Strangely, of all the things about that house, this wall is the one thing that keeps coming back to me in my dreams. Almost every idea of “home” that my subconscious creates is some variation on that house, ‘that house’ being identified by a suspiciously similar wall. Not the view from the window, or the table with the crippled chairs, or the heavy iron cots, or anything else. Just that wall.

So what does Mulayam Singh and his Samajwadi Party have to say about India’s development, now that we’re close to a national vote?

(All quotes from the NDTV website)

Regarding computers:

“The use of computers in offices is creating unemployment problems. Our party feels that if work can be done by a person using hands there is no need to deploy machines.”

Regarding use of agricultural machinery:

“A harvesting season brings employment for the labour class for at least six months but these harvesters will snatch their earnings.”

Regarding education:

The party’s manifesto also mentions that it will work to abolish schools providing expensive education in English medium and provide free education for girls till graduation.

And this gem on terrorism, from the same party that wanted to field Sanjay Dutt, convicted of possession of firearms that were linked to the terrorists responsible for the 1993 Bombay blasts:

The basic cause of terrorism lies in regional differences…if a government comes to power with our support, we will ensure that action is taken against communal powers and attack terrorism at its roots.”

There is really no reason to comment on these statements; the sheer absurdity of it all is obvious.

From a Reuters article related to the national elections in India:

Throwing a shoe at someone is considered an insult in India.

Isn’t that strange? In other parts of the world, it is considered a great honor to be showered with footwear.

Oh wait.

Not too long ago, I read Watchmen, the graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, which is “one of Time magazine’s hundred best novels.”  I confess that part of my motivation for doing so was that there was this supposedly awesome book out there, and I couldn’t form an opinion on it until I had actually read it.

To describe Watchmen in one sentence: imagine that you are falling deeper and deeper into a well, and as time passes you start becoming more desperate, losing hope. Then, all of a sudden you wake up and realize it was all a dream, but then you realize you need to get ready for a long day of work ahead and wish you were - well, back in the well. (No apologies for the pun; deal with it. And yes, I know I used two sentences instead of one.)

To put it in more meaningful terms, the story starts with a gloomy backdrop where it seems like the world is starting to fall apart, with nostalgic yet rosy scenes from the past being the standard to compare present day against. From there, it proceeds into darker territory, with a violent and strangely compelling narration “on the side” to set the appropriate mood. It eventually climaxes in what I would term a “moral muddle” - a situation where there’s no “right thing to do” and every avenue leaves the reader with a bad taste in the mouth. Being powerless as a silent audience doesn’t help much, either.

Of all the characters, Rorschach is portrayed as the most controversial, and yet, he is, in my opinion, the most straightforward, courageous and honest superhero in the story. It is said that Rorschach sees the world in black and white, but I disagree. The whole argument for accepting “shades of gray” stems from the fact that people think differently and believe differently; it does not preclude an individual from having absolute personal opinions. From that point of view, Rorschach has certain principles that he always stands by, and he takes it upon himself to “save the world” as he sees fit.

Dr. Manhattan, the only real superhero, is an enigma of sorts, because the novel hints that it is impossible to truly understand his point-of-view until we see time and events the way he does, connected in a single, complex and intricate pattern. Even so, I would have respected his indifference towards humanity if he had shown the same indifference towards the rest of Universe (including Mars). That human life and humanity in general is pointless is a perfectly sound argument (see Note 1), but valuing dust storms on Mars over human life, or billions of years over thousands is not an argument I am willing to consider without justification.

In an odd twist, Dr. Manhattan’s position also subtly points out that real power is to have the strength without having to actually use it. Having to use it would mean that you are a slave to that power, and (unless you are omnipotent) you are likely to eventually find yourself in a situation where your opponent cannot be destroyed by any power that you possess.

In conclusion - find some time to read the book.

Note 1: People tend to believe that it is their moral obligation to convince others that human life is not pointless, or that the argument in its favor is somehow taboo. I find it perfectly reasonable for one to agree that human life is pointless, but move on and be happy nevertheless.

Myths have a very long half-life, especially when it has to do with operating systems. Let’s say version N of some software was really bad at doing something, which got fixed in version (N + 2). It won’t be until version (N + 5) or so that most people will realize that the problem has been fixed. Until then, this will remain a hot topic for discussion each time the subject comes up.

You know what the best part is? Not one of these people would have used any version of the OS for the past five years. For instance, a typical complaint would go like this: “I used Linux (read, Red Hat Linux 7, from the Dark Ages) sometime ago (read, six years ago) and the screen resolution sucked!” Obeying the rules of gossip, this gets translated into, “The resolution on Linux sucks!”

Unfortunately, everyone not using Linux will continue to believe this myth until someone demonstrates that the screen resolution on Linux is actually awesome. Note that it is insufficient to demonstrate that the screen resolution on Linux is as good as that on any other system. That’s just too mundane to catch on.

This phenomenon works all six ways (Linux, Windows, Mac = factorial(3)). Windows and Mac being more ‘mainstream’, however, their features and releases receive greater publicity.

It is interesting how these different groups interact with each other, almost as if they were following their own religion. Blind faith, superstition - it has all the elements except physical violence. Maybe one of these days, governments will force their citizens to use one or the other piece of software. Then, countries will go to war over operating systems.

Is Twitter detrimental to blogging? It’s not always easy to gather the time, energy and momentum to blog about something, but on the rare occasions that I do, I find my energy being zapped by Twitter. Throw in a random line that makes people go “Eh?” and my desire to blog is quenched, and fizzles away like every second flower-pot. (You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?) Even my blog posts are starting to resemble Twitter updates…

Boy, Facebook sure knows how to make money.

Taking advantage of the fact that people like to receive gifts, Facebook has this feature whereby anyone can send a ‘gift’ to any of their friends. A gift, it turns out, consists of a little icon with a personal message attached to it. And it costs real money to send one.

Ever had someone tell you that instead of buying you a gift for your birthday, they were giving it away as charity? That wasn’t…fun, was it? Now imagine that instead of charity, they gave it away to Facebook. Here is some cash Facebook, so that my dearest friend gets a silly little icon as a token of your appreciation. Lame.

I like to keep my software up-to-date, so I sync it with the repository every day, and see if there’s anything that needs updating.

And yet, I don’t like the fact that it takes time to perform the update, or that there is a chance that my stable system could be broken by the change, or that a package may fail to build.

So I run the update command, hoping that there’s nothing new.

If someone walking by asks you what time it is, he’s probably asking for the local time, so if you casually glance at your watch and reply that it is nine o’clock in the morning, that’s fine. But what if this person had been on the other side of the globe, and speaking to you over the phone? You’d have to qualify that with the time zone: it is nine o’clock in Seattle. Or whatever. It is not unreasonable to expect the other guy to figure out the time in his little town based on what you tell him.

(By now you’re probably wondering why this guy across the globe doesn’t have a clock of his own, but that’s besides the point.)

Now imagine that some all-powerful body declares that the time in Seattle shall be arbitrarily moved forward or backward by an hour at different times of the year. Now, when you tell that guy the time is nine o’clock in Seattle, he’d have to reckon that actual number of hours based on the time of the year.

People with power to declare the time are seldom satisfied with creating mild confusion. The more the merrier, they say. So imagine that they convene a committee every year that gathers together in an expensive hotel, with over-priced dinners and spectacular service to decide when to move the time forward or backward. Sometimes, on a whim, they decide not to do it at all.

Of course, the guy on the other end of the phone would be pretty confused by now. Sure, he would have this little book that he would keep updating every year, so as to figure out the right time based on what you told him - but at times he would forget. He doesn’t sound like the brightest, you know.

Now I’ve forgotten what my original point was, and besides, this story sucks, so - “The End.”